February 2011
19 posts
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January 2011
24 posts
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Great Scott!
Read in the New York Times today:
There is, apparently, a distinction even rarer than being granted a license to kill by Her Majesty’s Secret Service, and that is having a bronze sculpture of your likeness displayed in the Estonian capital, Tallinn. Sean Connery is now that most exceptional of actors who can claim both honors…
Photo credit:Timur Nisametdinov /NIPA, via Associated Press
“Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”
– Food Rules by Michael Pollan
Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go?
Terry Hoitz: No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you and then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.
Allen Gamble: OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean. Lions don't like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot wave, I'm assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. And guess what, you've wandered into our school of tuna and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated and said 'You know what, lion tastes good, let's go get some more lion'. We've developed a system to establish a beach-head and aggressively hunt you and your family and we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring.
Terry Hoitz: How you gonna do that?
Allen Gamble: We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time. An hour? Hour forty-five? No problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get some more oxygen, and stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You're outgunned and out-manned. [pause] Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope.
“He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher… or, as his wife...”
– Douglas Adams
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I hate you so much, Time Warner Cable.
…so I found out how to be productive in my writing, reading and editing. Can you guess?
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